Here's the latest batch, courtesy of the U.S. Postal Service.
Abacus, n. A digital computer.
Arab-Israeli Conflict, the, n. The War of the Noses.
Arcadia, n. A region characterized by simple pleasure and quiet surroundings ... located Northeast of Los Angeles, California.
Conspiracy Theory, n. Tales of Hoffman. See also: Cryptocracy.
Corporation, n. A union of capitalists who disapprove of unions of employees.
Cryptocracy, the, n. A figment of the paranoid Christian-fanatic imagination of one Michael A. Hoffman II. Although Hoffman has used the term in Secret Societies and Psychological Warfare and in other writings, he has never presented a detailed, coherent history of "the Cryptocracy." He can't, because it doesn't exist.
Death, n. An essential part of the American Way of Life.
Good vibrations, n. pl. The kind of vibrations you get from a good vibrator.
Gullible, adj. Able to be a gull, such as Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Remember, kiddies, God loves the gullible. You have a much better chance at salvation if you are gullible than if you are skeptical.
Harrison, William Henry, n. The only U.S. President who did no harm (at least, as president).
Hero, n. Any member of the U.S. military, such as the guy who shot and killed his fellow soldiers at Fort Hood.
Kabbalah, n. A possible source of tricky gnosis.
Locke, n. A philosophical fastening device intended to protect the private property of landlords in England and of English invaders (i.e., colonists) in America.
Moral Equivalence, n. The ridiculous idea that the United States is morally equivalent to Abaco, or that Israel is morally equivalent to Tristan da Cunha.
Objectivist, n. One for whom the golden calf is a sacred cow.
Pogrom, n. Vigilantisemitism.
Romany, n. A nation of shoplifters.
State of Nature, n. A myth used to camouflage the nature of the State.
Torture, n. The infliction of pain and terror on a prisoner to make him (or her) confess, or just for the fun of it.
Union of Egoists, the, n. A union with shitty benefits and no bargaining power.
Zionist propaganda, n. Kristol blue-and-white persuasion.
© 2012 L.A. Rollins